Today was a long day at work, and usually as I drive home late at night in the dark, and I'm tired, I try to sing along to a cd. Tonight I just thought.
I believe there is a God and a Heaven and Hell. I believe in angels and all that. After my accident one year ago today, when i could've been killed, should've been killed, I survived with no serious injury. That is not just luck.
But I wonder.
Why would a God cause pain? Why would he take the best person in my life, my gram, and give her leukemia to battle for 9 months? Why would he take her this way, when she was as church going and bible studying as any?
Why would he make me miss her more and more as time went on, instead of less? Why does he make me remember they exact day she told me she had cancer (July 4) the last time I spoke to her (March 25) or the day she died (March 27?) Why does he have my heart hurt so much?
Why would God take from those that don't deserve it? Why would he take little Maddie away? She was an infant, so beautiful and bright-eyed. Why? Why cause her parents that pain? They didn't do anything. Maddie certainly didn't do anything. What was the plan there?
Why would he take 2 of my brother's friends in less than a month? Why would he cause my brother to hurt so bad?
I just don't understand and I think that is what frustrates me the most. Why pain and suffering to the good people? People who don't deserve it? I just don't know.
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My husband died five years ago, and I firmly believe that his death is not part of God's plan. God did not create us for death and pain, but for love and glory. The meaning of an event is not found in what led to that event but in what comes from it, how we respond to it. There is no peace in screaming WHY at the universe, but only in asking What now of yourself.
ReplyDeleteThe love endures.